The Tale of the Wooden Spoon and the Zellers lady

Once in a cold part of Canada, there lived a 20-something female looking to pass the time learning a new important skill - baking cookies. On her very first attempt the results were somewhat decent; the cookies were edible, charred cookie bottoms notwithstanding.

Now on her next attempt, she decided to get prepared (and not mooch supplies off her best friend). So she bought herself a cooling rack, an informative cookie book and a bunch of other stuff from the Bulk Barn.

The very last piece the woman needed was a wooden spoon. The first time around nearly broke her mother's metal spoon and she couldn't take that chance again because she already accidently broke a family room decoration earlier that week (But in truth, the woman thought breaking that decoration was a blessin in disguise -- it was ugly as hell). To complete her cookie supply quest, the woman went to where the lowest piece is the law -- Zellers.

After scouring the aisles, the woman found her spoon and proceeded to the cashier. She was met by and older woman in her forties with short brown hair, brown rimmed glasses covering her blue eyes and a friendly smile...or so the younger woman thought. As the woman placed her items on the cash, the cashier picked up the wooden spoon commandingly and asked the young woman point blank, "Is this spoon for your boyfriend?"

The woman looked perplexed. Spoon? For my boyfriend? As the woman tried to decipher what the cashier was implying, the cashier proceeded to do a whacking action with the spoon and switched her gaze to behind the young woman. Even more confused, the young woman turned her head to see another customer -- a young man, roughly her age, in a dark ski jacket, Blue Jay baseball cap and glasses, looking just as perplexed as she was...and then it dawned on her: the cashier lady was implying I was going to use the wooden spoon for some bom-chica bom action with this guy. The woman quickly turned back to the woman, raised one of her eyebrows and said very quickly,"Uh, no."

The cashier seemed unfazed by the woman's answer and automatically countered, "so you don't have a boyfriend, eh?" Feeling like she had to defend her singleton status, the woman stated ambivalently, "Meh, boyfriends require too much effort" and then quickly proceeded to whip out her payment out so she could get the hell out of Zellers.

The rest of the exchange went off without incident and the woman zipped out of the store before anything else would happen. Not since she was fourteen and entering the Condom Shack for shits and giggles was she this disturbed by a sales person. I mean really, what the fuck?

The end.

*This story is based on a true story...sadly.